The Practice
The Cookie Jar: Why Everyone Should Have One
You, Me, & Leonard
In 2000 one of my favorite directors Christopher Nolan put out the sleeper film of the year Memento. That film would go on to make 40 million dollars and catapult him to the national stage. It is a movie about a guy named Leonard who has an accident after which he losses his ability to make long term memories. He also happens to be trying to solve his wife’s murder using a system of reminders consisting of post a notes, poloriads, even tattoos to try to remember what is going. I want spoil it for you, but you should watch the film. You, me, and most people do the exact same thing when it comes to tracking our success or even knowing what we are good at. When we are in the moment we think we will never forget, and boom just like that it is gone and we slip back into our old self defeating ways at worst. At best we just forget what we are capable of.
Everything is a matter of perspective
Glass half empty or half full. We have all heard this or a variation of it. There is no official answer and most of us split the difference by saying it is a matter of perspective. What we fail to include is that your choice has a long term effect on how you see other things in your life. I am not scientist and I don’t play one on the internet but I do know this. If you choose to have a perspective that is limited, lacks to give insight on how to improve, or is otherwise half empty. Life will not be enjoyable. How could it be ? A constant sense of waiting for the other shoe to drop and dread lurking around the corner. I would rather not live like that. I am not knocking it if that is a choice you make. I just find that my mind can’t play in the negative space for long. I don’t see it being a good long term strategy.
A picture (frame) is worth a thousand words
Look frames don’t get the love they deserve everybody is always focused on the picture they surround. An image can be beautiful all on its own but when it is framed nicely it transcends and becomes something else. Cognitive reframing events in your life can have the same effect, just make sure you are being realistic. It is a technique used in therapy to help create a different way of looking at a situation, person, or relationship by expanding its meaning. The essential idea behind reframing is that a person's point-of-view depends on the frame it is viewed in. When the frame is shifted, the meaning changes and thinking and behavior often change along with it. When I went thru my divorce I thought it was the worst thing in my life. All I saw was the loss and pain, but after talking it over with my therapist I realized that while there was pain there was joy too. I gave up some of my bad behaviors like smoking, I picked up exercise, which lead to my current movement practice. Now I now longer look at the painting of my past with distain but with gratitude. That is what reframing does it lets you process the whole event not just the pieces that fit your narrative.
The past can determine your future
When the past is over we often like to leave where we found it. Oh but the reflection on it is different when you do so with a sense of curiosity attempting to tease out how or why you got the result will help you to avoid pitfalls in the future. The life we live is cyclical and if you have done the work of deep reflection you can almost be certain that when those past behaviors return you have a fighting chance against them. However if you haven’t made friends with them they will be there to sabotage your hopes and dreams. Stop running from yourself and start running toward yourself. It is your only true path to freedom.
Bob tell em what they won: All the cookies you want
Ever heard of negativity bias ? If not it means something very positive will generally have less of an impact on a person's behavior and cognition than something equally emotional but negative. Aka we remember bad things more than good it is the way our brains are designed and it is probable why you're alive right now. It is our default mode. If this where we naturally begin what do we do ? Make an effort to spot the good in your life there are various ways of doing it from writing your successes in a success journal to praying about the things you are grateful for prior to eating a meal. In David Goggins bestselling book Can’t Hurt Me he uses a technique called the cookie jar which is using your past achievements to motivate yourself when you’re struggling. You make a mental list of all your victories and triumphs along with obstacles and challenges you have overcome. They serve as an imaginary cookie jar to remind and motivate yourself of what you are capable of. So reflect on your successes and make sure you know what you have won. Start building your cookie jar today.
Even the gods of old understood this was a thing
In The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali 2.33, Swami Satchidananda says “Vitarka badhane pratipakasa bhavanam” which tranlastes too. When disturbed by negative thoughts, opposite (positive) ones should be thought of.
The Bible says “As someone thinks within himself, so he is.”-Proverbs 23:7
In other words choose useful thinking. These principles have been around longer than you and I and will be here long after we are gone. When I notice principles that have survived and continue to add value I tend to adopt them. There is a a reason they have survived even as the world around them changed.
What gets measured gets managed- Peter Drucker
Start making note of when you are successful so when the hard time comes as they do you can remind yourself of who you are.
When Peter Drucker made this quote I don’t think he was talking about about people but none the less it is applicable. In a world where we are required to manage so many things we should include ourselves on that list. We are indeed the most important asset we have
“Man is made or unmade by himself; in the armory of thought he forges the weapons by which he destroys himself; he also fashions the tools with which he builds for himself heavenly mansions of joy and strength and peace.”